Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gibert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen.

Tom Wrigglesworth is, uh, with me as co-host in the chair today. / Good morning. / Good morning. / Rhod. / You are, normally, when we do this show together, as our regular listeners will know, / Huh huh. / you are normally tired, hung-over for having been up most of the night, and, uh, I'm a little better. Well, today, I feel __, you look fresh as a daisy. / I feel fresh as a daisy. You know what I've started doing? / Uh ... hang on. I know this one. ... You've started ... sleeping with cucumbers on your eyes? / almost. That is so close. / Is it? / another one そうなのか？ 別の答えも用意していたのに。/ butternut squash in the nose? What is it? / I have ... / Aubergine in the ear? / That's it? 降参か？ No. I've started ... / I could go on. / sweetcorn in ... No. I've started drinking alcholic drinks intersersed with a glass of water. Call me boring, but honestly, / that is an age thing / it's age / it changes / life / come / look in so h__ / every / know what / very odd. I normally do, sort of, almost __ intersperse every alchololic drink with a glass of water. I do tend to drink a lot of water when I drink alchololic drinks / I didn't yesterday / result / is your barbecue up? / The barbecue is up and running / that ... that very night ... yeah, last time __ __, / told / bought a barbeue, very fancy one, / before / came in / pieces / I would never set it up / somebody did it for me. It's been done. Last night, it was done / by the person sat next to you, who / in a little while / Mr. Clint Edwards / also hanging around / house this weekend / coming on air / I really like it / flatpack furniture / yeah, you do / I thought about ringing you うん。おまえに電話して頼もうとも思ったんだけど。/ last time I was here / otherwise I would have, uh, / erected it? / erected it, but / been erected now / got a chair yesterday / flatpack furniture chair / garden chair / exactly / tell you what / if the listeners aren't excited about today's show ... / well / you probably ... you probably get / record, really. I wonder / what the longest period of time a piece of flatpack furniture remained flatpack / Oh, there's a fea ... look at that. ... Captain Features has delivered. コーナーの鬼が仕事をしてくれたぞ。

Tom Wrigglesworth is here. Mr. Clint Edwards is, uh, is here / really introduced him properly / let's introduce him properly. / Oh, all right / moment / enough water last night. / No / __ __, __ __ / that is the kind of enthusiasm you want when you introduce some__ / oh, go on, then / it's happening, __ __ / it's happening. Now, then, your feature, Tom, you said, uh, your feature is, so far, the one feature we've got on the go, is, "What's the longest you've __ flatpack before putting it up / Huh huh / and I said / I should / think about this / probably got some pretty good entries / Huh huh. / and you said, "What / at least a month." And I said, "That's a different feature, that's what the fastest you ever ... それだと別のコーナーになる。それは最長記録ではなく最短記録だ。/ the personal best for you / wasn't it? / piece of / the fast I've ever done it / it was heart-breaking for me, you know, __ __ / I would put myself as a blackbelt of flatpack furniture assembly 意気消沈したよ。おれはフラットパックの黒帯だと自認している。それが ... because the barbecue was remaining in the flatpack state as the sun was __ down / Britain / 4000 pieces. I can't possibly, uh / 400,000 pieces, it came in ... and, in fact, it was 400,000 pieces / Clint Edwards, who __ sat next / it was twelve. / well / except / rip cord __ pulled it / except / just __ / I beg to differ that it was 同じにしてもらっちゃ困る。/ 12 pieces / because, after you'd assembled it, you went, "Oh, what's this?" / and there was one ... / 98 thousand screws / n__ there was one piece. / it was a spring / spring for / barbecue / it was a spring, and it was a __ spring, and it wasn't / instruction / in the pieces menu / you know what / call them / you know / itinerary / you are a blackbelt in DIY. / Inventory / ... the Inventory of the, uh, bits and bobs you / there is / got / if look out the window, you / see the b__ / quite a thing. / never looked like / except, by the time / put it up, we / completely __ __ dark. 組みあがった時にはすっかり暗くなってた。... We ... we barbequed by the ... the light __ on your phone. 携帯電話のライトを頼りに / It's very difficult to find / onions and / it was pitch dark / Central London / enough light polution / worry about that. But no. / here we go. ... Anyway, @rhodgilbertshow, / people have tweeted / tweet out @rhodgilbertshow / the production team / which was something about, which do you prefer, making a cat pur or ... something else. What was it? I can't remember / __ up a barbecue? / uh ... "Dancing on your own". That's what it was. Dancing / cat pur / out ... just, uh, you know, just to get things going, uh, in the morning / list / newspaper / find / in a minute / "Dancing on my own" says Mark Smith. マーク・スミスから：「一人でダンス」There we are. __. ... はい、ありがとー。I'm being slightly dis__. Mark Smith does say / very controversial 一言言ってることは言ってるけど、それが、「猫はずる賢いから」。ちょっと差し障りがある。/ I'm gonna get the, uh, / list of things / __ hold it for you two / Huh, well done / I mean / drop / just / flatpack / comes back / when I lived in Cardiff, you bought some blinds, and they never went up / therefore, what, four years / I'll level with you / I don't even remember them / you don't remember / you bought / blinds for the windows / they didn't fit the windows / went / just went / going / yeah / can be the first entry / flatpack that was never / how long / there for? / all the time. Forever. / All the time / still there / they are resting ... they are resting in the corner under the window. / Listen. The ... in the Daily Express, that's what it is / they've got 50 magical moments, and, at ... #30 is "Making a cat pur" 30 位は猫にゴロゴロいわせること。, and, at # ... what would you say? would you say "Dancing on your own, or / ahead or behind making a cat pur / I prefer cat purring any day. Any day. / There's something sinister about the phrase "Making __ cat pur", though, isn't there? / No. / something weird about / might be against its will. / It does sound a little bit involuntary, doesn't it? "Ooo, look, I / made it pur / I've got two cats, and I / just / behind the ear / purs like a trimmer / not / I admire the speed with which you came up with that, but I'm not sure if trimmer purs, does it? ... / you know, the ... / if you get __ behind the ear / tuk tuk kind of / yeah / if you get your cat behind the ear in just the right place, you can make him sound like a small Asian vehicle. ... puh, puh, puh, puh ... / It's great. / I'm not sure if a trimmer purs, mate. __ __ trimmers are annoying thing. That's why ... that's why neighbours are annoyed by them. / yeah / it's Sunday / his hedge again / so / nobody ever says / Sunday / behind the ear again お隣の野郎、また猫をゴロゴロいわせてやがる。おーい、うるさいぞ。/ in the garden / disturbing / keep it down over there, __. ... Uh, what do you reckon?" ... this ... what do you reckon, or ... I seem to be turning everything into quizes these days. I don't know what ... / something / could / become a fetish for quizes. Um .... so, "Making a cat pur" is #30. Dancing on your own is ... kinda __ __ list of 50 things. __ __ got a bit of a hung-over. Uh, here we are. 46. "Dancing on your own in your room" it says / do you reckon that lying / Sunday morning / ahead of "Making a cat pur" / or not. Think very carefully. よーく考えてくれ。/ lying on a Sunday morning v.s. making a cat pur / oh / definitely / yeah, yeah / put lying ahead of that. / Would you? / Yeah yeah, yeah. / Clint? / Yeah, it's rarer. I've got two cats / making / how often / your cats / All the time. / Oh, I see / trimmer / constantly plugged in 芝刈り機がずっと動いてるようなもんだ。 / "A smile from a baby". Better? Or not as good as making a cat pur? / Not as good. / __ is better. I'd have thought / Yeah. Come on, Clint. Not as good? A smile from a baby, from a human being, one of your own. / One of my own? / Yeah. You prefer making a cat pur to a smile from a baby? / 赤ちゃんの笑顔を見るより猫をゴロゴロ言わせるほうが癒されるというのか？/ I don't have children, do I? / Huh. OK. What about "A beer garden on a summer's day / what publication / I'm trying ... I'm trying / I was very clear __ __ front / I set up / Daily Express. I wasn't hiding / paradigm of / people m__ __ coming from. Uh ... that would be lower down the list / lower down / because, you know, I mean, you could / have a lie-in in the beer garden / next morning / cat / tick them off / What's the number ... what do you reckon is #1 on this list? １位は何だと思う？ Is it gonna be the smell of sea air / getting the Daily Express delivered. / Is it gonna be "Your partner massaging your feet"? / Nuh. / Is it gonna be a phone call from your mom"? / I __ be worried about that. / "Playing with bubble wrap"? プチプチで遊ぶ / Huh, yes, a good one / "Making a daisy chain"? / hang on. What ages __ _pitch_ __? / I tell you what #1 is / mysery / walking in sunshine". That's it. "Wlalking in sunshine". Bizarrely, walking in sunshine is / 21 places ahead / beer in the sunshine 皮肉なことに、天気のいい日に外でビールを飲むより、天気のいい日に散歩をするほうが、21 位リードしてる。/ that's __ __, isn't it? / people / get to going to the bar / absolutely. / mate / dancing on your own / think about / Daily Express coming / next morning / "Laughing so much it hurts" 腹の底から笑う / #10. That's quite nice, innit? / Yeah, that's nice / yeah, that's nice. / listening to the rain, 15 / something / poetic / romantic, aren't they? / No ... no. #41: "Tidying your room" 部屋を片付ける / answer / that shouldn't / that shouldn't be in there. / something magical happened ... the other day. This should make the list, really, if I was / not / something / specifically to you, mate, is never going to / it must / people as well / comes / Friday night / hang on a bit / nothing about Tom Wrigglesworth / I went ... I went to Liverpool last weekend, right? And there happened to be / that's magical already. その時点ですでにマジカルだな。/ Exactly. And there / giants / visiting / massive puppets / Oh, yes. / walk through / 30 feet high / they were brilliant. And __ happened to be / weekend / going past the hotel / staying / streets were packed / it was brilliant. And, weirdly, the last time / giants / so, I just lined up / this mad event / Coincidentally. / about three years ago, I went to Brussels, and, uh, / not the giants again / not the giants, but it happened to be gay pride and / sort of / some sort of special / some / special / carnivals everywhere. It was absolutely amazing. ... Two years ago, I was on the train to Edinburgh, and there were some American tourists who were going to visit Edinburgh ... / Yeah? / and didn't know the festival's on / Right. / they were just going to / people / Yeah. / and they were about to walk in, / Yeah? / to the E__ festival. ... So, that's quite / I / lost / your story, Tom / point is / carnival / gay pride / everybody / giant / coincidence / all of a sudden, __ __ __ really depressing story about some Americans going to Edinburgh who didn't know the festival is on / oh, their minds will be blown / Yeah. How magical is that? Have you ever gone to a place / no idea / feature 2: Have you ever gone go a place / no idea / feature 2 / I imagine ... I imagine / probably trending right now.

I am so unfit. I've just / walked / out of breath / somebody, hold the fort for a second while I ... 誰か、間をもたせておいてくれ。/ just unbelievable / What ... is this a hungover sort of / I don't know / wearing you down / I don't know. I'm just so unfit, you know. I keep telling people / Kilimanjaro / with Mr. Clint Edwards, uh, amongst other people ... __ since then, I've done nothing. I don't ... I don't even / almost nothing. Um, still ... / replace the kitchen table yesterday with a smaller one because, you said, a large table was too much effort to walk around. / Listen ... I ... I have done that. ... I admit we have done that. We __ __ do this show from our kitchen, ladies and gentlemen. It's Rhod Gilbert, BBC Wales / kitchen in London / Tom Wrigglesworth / co-host / Clint Edwards / stayed for a couple of days / bus yesterday / table, that is. / that was your hope / Clint, this / bus back, uh, to Cardiff / we did buy / in the kitchen here / we've done many radio shows / a longer kitchen table / considerablely, as well / yeah. That one's about six foot. This is about four foot / and walking around it was just becoming too much of, uh ... ... I'm 45. / Yeah. / 46, nearly / it was just becoming too much of a thing to walk around 歩き回るのがキツイ / to the fridge / go back to the / units / yeah yeah yeah / if I wanted to spice up a meal or flavor / I'll have to over there and get ... you know / mixed herbs, come back with the mixed herbs ... / live in a manshion / yeah / 'cause you can touch your units, and, with the other hand, touch your fridge / not with / table in the middle / So, we've got a new table / annoying thing / it all comes back to the flatpack thing again, mate. / it's all / Inevitably. / I am not good at / flatpack / I'm disorganized, chaotic lifestyle / my wife, she's bought a new table / smaller table, we were all for that / fridge, get / mixed herbs / a lot quicker, a lot easier / a lot less stressful, and ... / sheds seconds off / I said to her, I said / deal here. I said we could only have a new table in the kitchen if the other table goes / oh yeah / I know you, I know you" I said to my wife, "I know you / you'll get a new table, you'll get a new table, and the other table will just be next to it. / Yeah / what's next to this table / the other damn table / it looks like, um, Christmas Eve or something / to set up for the extra long / extra long table is now next to the small table is now next to the / small table and the long table to get to the mixed herbs. ... Furious. I'm furious 今や、ちょっとコショーを取りに行くのにも、小さいテーブルと大きいテーブルをまわって行かなきゃならない。腹立つ。ほんっと腹立つ。/ history, the reason I said to her ... I'm not normally like that. I don't normally say / new table / get rid of / old table / but, when we lived in Cardiff, we had one table / another table / didn't get rid of the first table / second table was just / so, that's where / eat on. It's an upturned table / four-poster table, yeah. ... Two tables, piled / a table piled on in the rounge / could go back. I could go up / two or three examples prior to that of tables piling up ... saying that, I'm ... I'm a bit the same, and, uh, ... I've just remembered the Chesterfield saga. I've just remembered it because / given one to you, Clint / you did buy ... / Five. / I remember that / struggled __ __ ebay when I first ... / Rhod didn't know how ebay worked, so he went / that, that, that, and that / all of them. / I / one of these, uh, one of these Chesterfields / It wasn't / buy it now / I was gamboling / I was getting excited, I was getting caught up, I was drinking Jack and Coke / gambling / e-bay / that's / life. Rockn' roll ... other drinks available / exciting / I love __ __ ebay, yeah / so / caught up / I bought all five Chesterfield __ / I managed to get ... cut three / I bought five / two of them I couldn't, so two Chesterfield / sofas arrived. ... That was ... how long ago? I would say, ten years? ... Eight years / Eight years / Eight years. And when did I finally get rid of the second one to you? / A month ago. / A month ago. Eight years I had two Chesterfield sofas / It happens to everyone. / Yeah / I think I've got an old stereo amplifier that just sits under the new one. ... __ __ __ for the last eight years. Actually it ... you know, it's become quite a good stand ... 台としては便利なんだよ。/ Yeah? そうなの？/ ... for the new amplifier 新しいアンプを載せておくのに。/ consider about / table / the old table / quite a good stand / newly upturned table / in our lounge thing / which we are not calling the rounge table / why / table tennis or something / could do. We could turn weakness into a strength 弱点を強みに変えることはできる。/ table tennis / youth club / Yeah. Let's have a youth club. Why not? Let's turn a simple error of laziness / sending another table back / youth club. It's an excellent, uh, suggestion / have you ever / ... suggestion / I saw / absolutely brilliant / have you ever seen someone / break a piece of furniture / gathering / in just a minute / Okey dokey / ... Oh, no, after you / I thought / song / actually / song's coming / was / tea / guy there, uh, a bit of a rugby type, you know, a ... a big lad, basically / and, uh, he sat on a chair and broke it. Now, I happen to find that one of the funniest things. People breaking furniture is simply hilarious. / Well, Greg Davis ... big Greg Davis, 6 f__, 20 stone / lovely story about / came off the wall. / Wow. / never / it's got to be some / I think he was on his own / you know, you knew girlfriend's parents / that's where / happen / ripped / toilet off the wall. I'm so sorry / nice to meet you / he tells ... he tells it very well.

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales

It's Rhod's Lunch Club with, uh, my guests / Tom __ / Hello / Welcome back. And Mr. Clint Edwards / is here / if you're gonna ... / you missed your bus yesterday, which is / how did you miss it / well / did you just miss it? Or ... / guilty about it / actually Rhod / T-shirt / in a shop. So, we / That is ... / another T-shirt / ... grossly unfair. / we were sat the cafe, having breakfast, b__ __, and, you, Clint, realized he missed his bus / realized / potentially missing / half an hour to get there, it wasn't looking unlikely / wasn't looking unlikely. His bus journey was / in / water / he / 25 minutes to get to Victoria, he left it far too late / no chance / buried / idea / gone, and then / looking / T-shirt once the bus had long gone. And he was looking forward to that bus / came up on Thursday / Saturday now / bring any change of clothes, so ... / I know. / you could wear one of my T-shirts if you want / anyway, I've given enough clothes in the past / and a sofar. ... "It's been three weeks and still no passport", says, uh, S__ / mixed up / call it / "chaos" is the word / chosen / missed / first holiday. ... I've, um ... / just reminded me / I had a passport thing a few years ago, quite a few years ago now / has this ever happened to you? ... We, uh, my girlfriend at the time / decided to go on holiday. Nothing unusual about that / Huh huh / Majorca / got to the airport, nothing unusual / basically / something unusual happened on the end / do you want me to say / the airport / everything so far / so normal I can't remember anything about it / yeah / checking in then / check-in desk / all over that airport, mate / yeah? / at different times / we / one minute, next minute / duty-free ... / probably toilets / did you get your / wrapped / little sitting bit, where some people choose to sleep / bag / who does that? / Who does that? / I do like / if / probably of, uh / missed out / standard comedy routine / change everything / seeing people / bag wrapped in plastic and then / happy moment. Uh ... __ __ all over that airport / we __ the airport / we checked in ... we showed our passport, all that, fine, no problem, went through the checking bit, all fine / my passport, her passport, all fine. nothing ... nothing wrong with that. / Huh. / Then we went through to the customs bit / machine / nothing wrong with that / everyone to the gate. Nothing wrong with that. When / sat down there, we / quite late / Stansted Airport / last ... / one of the last flights / got to the gate / sat there, for an hour / they called / flight / little desk / practically in that little tunnel thing / Huh huh. / 50 yards from our seats on the plane, and they, um ... they said, "Your passport's out of date." / パスポートが期限切れです、と。 / Wow. ... Wow / my girlfriend / can't go / someone should have spotted / hours ago / spent the day in Stansted / holiday / other airports are available / was it the last / just before you went / we were ... I was six foot from the shute / did / that person / let's have a look / checks / years ago / I / remember / name / hang on a minute. Stacey. 確か、ステイシーだったな。/ that's right / plans / we said, "Oh, come on, come on / a little bit out of date. Look at us 僕たちがそんな怪しい人間に見えますか？/ library card / prove / all the other things you need / checks, gas bills, three months old / yeah / hang on a minute / we'll ring Majorca マヨルカに電話してみましょう。/ just / hello, Majorca / speaking / no, no / Oh, I see. Are you sure? / so, we turned back, and, uh, / the last one / we turned back / cleaners / one of those / holiday / ten minutes, back to / my passport was fine / huge / on the plane / say / massive argument / your passport ... Beep! / finish / cleaning machine / on a cleaner's van / what do you call them? / indoor / I love all the vehicles in airports. / Feature 3 / my friend went to France / your favorite airport vehicle / he was going / for a day in France with work. And he didn't take his passport / same bit in the airport / got that far / probably / they said, uh, passport / not / holiday / really, sort of / yeah / passport / I mean, I'm not going ... this isn't a holiday / so he didn't bring his passport / yeah / and they talk about free movement of people?　で、政府は人々の自由な往来を推進してるわけだ。

Mike in Cardiff says / its box / remained / since 2007 / barbecue / however / Rhod's b__ / inspired me, and, today, I / box of unassembled furniture / yeah / small step / I'm surprised / that works / yeah ... yeah / I'm surprised / done that before / "Not flatpack" says / bought / and stored them in the garden ... for three years / it's a__ s__/ there / for three years until the bathrooms were re-fitted." Heh. Here we go. / morning, boys / I once bought two flatpack benches. I built one / nine years / so far / from / loser of the week, yeah. Nine years in a garage / flatback bench / Rhod Gilbert / flatpack table sitting in my house / for three years / that's nothing. Peanuts size / it's currently holding my old table / level / like these ones / flatpack / sort of, doint the job, really / yeah / guy / shoe / on / shoe rack / bit of rustling / at the moment / say goodbye to / I'm going to Wales / You're going to Wales. You're going, uh ... / have a pleasant trip / thanks very much / think / always / still festive / that explains the entry fee / Christmas lights will be up soon / I imagine / be / sometimes / lights might be up / listen, / trip back / we'll carry on with the radio show / Tom and I will hold the fort / bye / show / in your house / people come, people go / doorbell can ring / anything can happen

Tom / Oh yeah? / look at this. "A man is being investigated by authorities / Moscow / pet leopard / in a bookcase." ... How does that work? / flatpack, mate / I think he had erected it. いや、組み立てたやつだと思うよ。 / in / flatpack / got / saying / hello, men / both / that's fair to say / I had an unopened / flatpack / roughly eight years / good / sold it, still unopened / earlier this year / probably / healthy second hand market / unopened flatpack furniture 未開封のフラットパックの市場があるんじゃないのか？/ if / help, I would have hundreds of things unopened, unmade / almost everything / built by one of my / just / only / just have a little look / find / quite easy / Clint, for example. He's gone now / yeah / he's gone now / bit / well / have / say / barbecue right / on / like that / I can't believe you don't have that ... that gene, whatever it is / could start the clock / I don't have it / other / done for a long time. We've got no wardrobe / don't get me wrong / in / no wardrobes / so, my wife has / just everywhere / exposed bar / you preempt me / curtain rail / Nothing. / just ... / just the bed / floor / chairs / backs of chairs / anyway / message / too much / that's it. That's it / do / put up / exposed bar / I went to the shop / and I thought, "This is it. This is a big, big, big piece of DIY for me, mate 時は来た。オレは今、この大いなる DIY に挑む。/ yeah, yeah / a shop / can I have a piece of wood / a round piece of wood 丸棒 / measured the slot / alcove / went to / cut me / got back / two alcoves / centimeters / did / yeah / got two pieces of wood / two different lengths / short one / too long / too / alcove / short / what / downstairs / I'd done / made a cross out of them / 十字架でも作ったか？/ basically, I just / another bit of wood / floor / you put under / wheels of furniture / caster / yeah / under teacups / uh ... no, that's a ... that's a ... coaster / yeah / sometimes / coasters under the casters / I think so / tumbler. ... If / coaster / caster / I think you do. / No, / talking / piece / little flat piece of wood / disk / like a coaster / like a coaster / right / goes under / stop scratching the floor / ok / one of them / extend / to extend / too short / so / piece of wood / wedge it in, jammed it in there / now it was too long / angle / I just / yanked it down / down through the wallpaper, through the plaster / ripping, ripping, ripping, ripping / almost horizontal / said / put yur clothes on that / go downstairs / to this day, today / her clothes / all bunched up / on / one side, there / the other one / ripped / untill it jammed. That is as close as I get / DIY / I don't have the patience, I don't have __ spacial awareness / using any sort of / wedge them in / just friction / to keep it in place 常に摩擦力だけに頼るのか？/ Yes. / 'cause you can get / 100% そのとおり。オレは 100%、摩擦力に頼る。 / relying on friction / hang / kitchen utencils / man / overall / pockets all over his trousers / couldn't / with the other one / yeah, but once you get into that / get it straight / exactly like that.

If you enjoyed that, why / whole / Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.